chriskelly:

FAVORITE MUSIC:

Thistle - You have to listen to Thistle. It’s two identical twin brothers who live in the woods, and each morning, they chop down a single tree, whittle two ukeleles from it, then record a song inspired by that particular wood. Their music is haunting.

Lady Slit - She…

Happy Holidays from Improv Everywhere!  

for women everywhere

Watch and Share!  Improv Everywhere Musical April 29, 2011

Looking for an apartment at the end of July was stressful, difficult, frustrating, and at times felt impossible.  My friend Roman told me “You are who lives in Brooklyn,” trying to keep my spirits up and trying to prevent me from giving up.  My mantra became that statement: “I am who lives in Brooklyn.”  I repeated that over and over when times got tough.  But nothing was working out.  After one too many bad appointments, I reached a point of frustration so great I got out my legal pad and vented.  These statements left me feeling better and relieved, as I looked out the train window coming back into the city.  I was filled with hope that can only be provided by the New York City skyline.  Sometimes this beautiful skyline mocks me in my struggles to make it here and then fades away to the greatest Frank Sinatra song ever written.  But most of the time it provides promise.  It’s this endless hope that keeps me here in New York, and provides the freedom in which I wrote the following.  This ended up resembling a poem or a mantra and it is unchanged from when I first wrote it.  Enjoy.

I am who lives in Brooklyn.

I will find my apartment.

It will not frighten me.

It will be within my financial limitations.

I will know it when I’m in it.

I will know the sacrifice will be worth it.

It will make me feel good.

I will not chicken out and settle/move to Astoria.

I will not be too hard on myself if I can’t find a place.

I will hold my head high if I end up finding a place while my stuff lives in storage.

I will not prank call my old management company with death threats because they tricked me in 2005.

I will follow my instincts.

I will follow my gut.

I will keep my options open.

I will hunt for the gems.

I will connect with an owner.

I will stop crying when I’m left waiting in the 90- degree heat while a broker leaves me hanging next to the parole board outside a dilapidated apartment building (Read: shithole.)

I will graciously smile and thank each broker I meet even when I know what they’re about to show me is reflected in their eyes as an inevitably total dump.

I will decipher, decode, and detect all Craig’s List descriptions, getting to the bottom of what neighborhoods they “think” their listing is in, and uncovering Park Slope (Gowanus), Park Slope (Crown Heights), and Park Slope (Flatbush).

I will not give up.

I will fight the urge to give up.

I am who lives in Brooklyn.

So I’ve always had irrational fears (being a passenger in a car on a winding cliffside, afraid of plummeting to the water below…being a passenger in a car near mountains with plenty of yellow “falling rock” signs, afraid of being trapped in the car crushed by rocks…the possibility of being attacked on the streets and not being able to run or scream, glued to the ground).  Okay, most of these involve control issues and the last one is a dream, but remain fears nonetheless.  

My most recent fear follows my most recent move.  In the 7th Avenue stop in Brooklyn, there is a rusty revolving-door turn style that serves as an exit from the subway station.  You must use some force (due to said rust) to exit one at a time, the turn style divided and the exit blocked once each person passes through.  You only have a moment to exit before your chance is ended by the person behind you, as the blocker blockades any from entering the wrong way.  It is an Exit Only turn style (although the dual entry ones also possess this quality), and I am deeply afraid of it.  I am afraid of someone pushing through behind me before I am out all the way, therefore trapping me between my division and then crushing me against the steadfast rusted-metal blocker.  If that happened, how would I escape?  It is a very old turn style, and with my naked eye I cannot see the way an MTA worker would dismantle this contraption if I was stuck.  I don’t see locks to unlock.  This baby is solid for a reason.  How would it come apart?  Would the Jaws of Life even fit into the train station?  Would there even be a reason to call for the Fire Department as I would most-likely bleed out before being rescued?  You might say that this scenario is irrational.  But I say, ever the believer in the “anything is possible” mantra, that it is indeed both a possibility and an inevitability.  We are all busy New Yorkers, hustling and bustling to and fro.  Most of the time we are unaware of those around us, thanks in some part to iPods and in other to our own self-involvement.  It is my self-involvement that provides this fear.  So every day, at least once a day, the turn style rustily creaks and squeaks, warning me as I pass through it, but also praising me as I successfully clear it, safely avoiding a potentially fatal injury.  My anxiety causes my shoulders to rise as I approach it, and my success causes a sigh of relief as my shoulders lower while I head home.  A cherry on top of another successful day in New York.  

But that cherry still scares me every time.

Cupidtino “Date A Mac” Ad Blooper/Outtake Reel-Enjoy!

Finding love can be user-friendly.

My friend from California that moved here for awhile moved back home a littler while ago and sent out this e-mail with the 25 things she would miss about New York.  It made me think and revel, and I continue to do so as I walk around on good days and bad (especially bad), when one thing can so drastically change your mood-for the better!  There are many things and I could go into sordid detail, but I thought that I’d best tackle them one at a time.  Things that I appreciate more now after almost six years in this city, and things that I love even more because it’s the first time I notice them after being here for so long and am joyous with discovery.  I also find myself wondering what I would miss as well when I move someday.  I shall start small, with something somewhat trivial that I love.

Between 8th and 9th Ave. on the North side of 49th St. in Hell’s Kitchen there is an underground parking garage (I assume affiliated with World Wide Plaza).  Every time I walk by, I inhale.  Nine times out of ten, I catch a whiff of chlorinated water ala jacuzzi or possible fountain and it makes me smile.  I don’t know if it’s part of World Wide Plaza or the (Gold’s?) Gym that’s part of that building.  I don’t know if I smile because it reminds me of the fun of a jacuzzi, or a fountain, or just plain memories of childhood yore.  But I do know that it makes me sigh, smile, and relax just a little as I my shoulders lower slightly and I enjoy the day that much more after experiencing it.   I used to live on 48th St. for 2 years, and now I work there so it’s a path I have and still frequent.   It is one of New York’s better aromas.  So thank you, mystery smell of Hell’s Kitchen.  

Love, Me 

A new segment.  I don’t know if Jerry Seinfeld was the first to coin the phrase “What’s the deal with that?” but sometimes it’s the only way to describe something.  Especially in this crazy city.  So for now I will just call these random venting posts “WTF” (which we all know the meaning of) but will also be aided by the lovely Jerry Seinfeld in my description…SO:

What’s the deal with the bird noises underground in Penn Station?  

In random tunnels there are these bird sound effects that flow through some speaker(s) somewhere and they always catch me off guard.  I don’t know why they chose birds instead of music or silence.  But there they remain, always.  Chirping away next to the hobos asleep in the tunnels between subway and train stations.  Maybe it makes them feel like they’re outside…please feel free to enlighten me if you have any information or explanation of this mystery.